I saw a couple on a date the other day where the guy completely and totally SCREWS himself in the end. He does it by crossing a line in how to tease a girl, or even how to tease someone in general so that they like you instead of doing what she does…
As I was wrapping my hands around my cup of hot tea, smelling the minty freshness to start my day I couldn’t help but overhear a guy make a comment to a girl, let’s call her Pam and him Jim. Jim was teasing Pam and she was into it. Seeing Pam’s reaction triggered an immense amount of curiosity in me because I love to people-watch and needed to see how it would end. As I sat down he made another comment which caused her to laugh, scoot closer to him and caused me to become hopeful that it was going to end with a bang for him. And a bang it was…
“The Office” Romance
Pam was all over Jim when I sat down, and even hinted a few times about how they should leave. But for some reason, Jim kept cracking jokes. Granted, Jim was hilarious and it was difficult for me to keep from busting my gut like a creepy eavesdropper right there in the coffee shop.
But that was when Jim committed the ultimate sin of teasing…
You have some beautiful eyes by the way. They’re like a cute Chinese kid I saw in the Special Olympics!
Her reaction made me feel sorry for the guy and it was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. It’s horrible, but at the same time, you can’t look away.
She rocketed up like she’d been bitten in the behind and yelled that she didn’t have control over the way her eyes looked, picked up her coffee and threw it in the poor guy’s face.
What Went Wrong?
Jim insulted Pam.
And that’s the first mistake when learning how to tease a girl, or learning how to tease someone in general: don’t insult people.
Whenever you tease people, try to build them up instead of tearing them down. Sure, telling someone that you love what they did with their hair because it looks like a pack of wolves had it out for leadership on top of their head is funny. But it still stings (credit to Chase from GirlsChase for that joke).
Think about like this: remember a time someone made a mean spirited joke at your expense? It can be funny and in good spirit, but it can still hurt.
How to Tease a Girl Basics:
When learning how to tease someone remember these basic rules:
- Don’t insult people
- Tease people about their strengths, or in a way that builds them up
- Compliment people before teasing them
- Some self-deprecation is okay
Don’t Insult People With Your Tease
It’s easy to accidentally insult people when you’re teasing them. Once you’ve gotten to know someone and become friends the rules about what’s acceptable vary a bit.
But before you reach that stage, try to steer clear of these when learning how to tease someone:
- Avoid teasing about things they cannot change, like their physical features
- Unless you want to hurt someone, don’t tease people about their insecurities or anything they’re not confident in
- In general, avoid teasing a person’s identity
- Meaning whatever’s important to them
Because we’ve both had an experience where people have teased us in a way that isn’t in good fun. It’s actually harmful and builds resentment. Obviously, we don’t want that happening to the people around us (and if it’s happening to you then check out this article to start commanding respect and cut that crap out).
Learn How to Tease Someone Positively
One way to tease someone is to build them up. Tease people about things they know they’re great at. But be careful about how you say it and don’t be afraid to go over the top with your tonality and body language. You can even use a range of the three different tonalities to add emphasis, mentioned here.
For example, say you have a friend who’s always getting compliments about how he’s dressed:
Yeah that’s Mike, he can’t dress himself to save his life
If he’s always getting compliments and knows how to dress sharp, then it’s obvious you’re joking. And you call out his strength in an absurd way while still giving him somewhat of a hard time. In a way, you’re complimenting your friend, which leads us to…
Learn How to Tease a Girl While Managing Her Emotions
Whenever you meet someone for the first time, be careful about teasing them right away. One way to tease someone later on is to first compliment them before you tease them (but not 10 seconds before teasing them, that’s weird).
When you compliment first, tease second you show people that you like them and teasing is part of your character. If you were to start with teasing right out of the gate, most people will assume that you’re an asshole. And not the fun kind.
But there’s another way that you can have fun when learning how to tease a girl while not insulting her:
Self-deprecation’s wonderful at softening your teasing like a midsummer’s day will do to butter. Because it puts you on the same level as other people. Whenever you self-deprecate you show people that it’s nothing personal when you tease them because you tease yourself too (be careful if people start outright disrespecting you though, check out this article for how to stand up for yourself if that happens).
Basically, nobody’s off-limits and it’s a part you. Furthermore, it showcases that it’s not a big deal to you and that allows people to relax whenever you tease them and even join the fun.
As long as you don’t become ‘that guy‘ who always makes fun of himself so other people won’t. That means:
- Follow the above rules: don’t tease yourself about things you’re insecure about
- We’ve been around an awkward person who always makes fun of their weight or other insecurity and it makes us feel awkward
- Self-deprecation is like a powerful spice: sprinkle it in for the best results. It’s easy to go overboard
That’s it for this quick-tip-Thursday, but if you’d like more, check out this awesome video by Charisma on Command on how Ryan Reynolds uses sarcasm (without being a jerk).